Unfettered... Unfastened...!!!

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

“There are things known;
There are things unknown;
And between them are the DOORS….”
You know when you have absolutely nothing to do… the mind starts traversing and then going off into directions that you never ever expected it would go…!!! Pointless things that you actually end up contemplating… like why is there such a thing as ego… or why aren’t people more open and straight-forward… why are girls so complicated… why is that sometimes all you ever wanna do is to just sit simply and stare into space??... See it’s all quite pointless as I told you… this is what happens when you have nothing better to do and everything that you can do is quite boring..!! Happens within a space of time… sometimes you feel as though all you ever wanna do is to sit simply, do nothing..!! Quite an oxymoron that one is – all I want to do is nothing!
I dunno how far this is true… but after I have come here and have started working; I feel good about myself… it is more like I have discovered myself.. :-) The true person that I am..
I was just thinking about it yesterday…
These people that I am staying with here, my own batch mates, all of 'em… they are hardly the people I would have chosen to stay with if I had a choice back then when I was at ASB because of the perceptions I had about them… the fracas' that we all had with each other at some point of time during our MBA relating to whatever it was – studies, personal problems, other activities… Infact these people would not have even been in my list frankly speaking…
But now that I am staying with them, meeting them on a daily basis, talking to them, sharing office happenings with them, bitching about colleagues, and a whole lot of other things that I would not even have thought of sharing with these people when I was in college… but they are all nice people and their personalities are probably coming out now too.. Unfettered and unfastened… the way they react to situations when they are not actually answerable to anyone..!! And you know what I wonder rt now.. Why was I not friends with them earlier… oh yes! There are a lot of things about them that sometimes irritate me but then they would be feeling that about me as well.. And well… no one is perfect after all.. if each person actually acted and behaved the same way as the other.. wats interesting in life..!! Lol..!! :P
The other day I was talking to one of my best buddies and we were generally discussing about how we can go partying if once am in Chennai or he in Hyderabad and well he made a comment saying that this is Aishu's wild side coming out etc..!! And I suddenly started wondering whether this is actually an aspect of my personality that was hidden or whether this is the real me..!!! Hmmm…
This is the real me… I like partying, making new friends, being ambitious and enjoying life in general… but I dunno why people suddenly tag me as saying that I have changed… because I have not.. This is wat I was.. This is how I am… maybe I had to adjust to a certain life there when they knew me but that's not the real me… this is the real me…
Are not people different?? Is it not wrong to actually expect a person to behave the same way as you would in a particular situation.. Is it not expecting too much from a person who is unlike you in most ways… is it not a fact that when you expect some things from a person you are actually expecting that person to change… and also when those expectations get unfulfilled then you also get hurt?? Why would you want to get hurt at the end of it all?? So why is it that you expect something like this in the first place out of the person??
Any person for that matter!!! Anybody… not just people in relationships, but otherwise as well… why expect something from a person... why?
But now I am scared… did people back there like me because of the way I was there… will they find it difficult to accept me once they know that this is the real me??
I am not perfect.. That’s not wat I am trying to say here…
I am just plain confused… or stark raving mad..!??!?! I dunno…
I don’t even have any clue as to why I am writing all this… I just wanted to spill it out and to write it down…
But then at the end has it made me feel better?? Well I dunno..!!! I guess I just have to wait for a bit…!!
But have I changed?? No I have not!!!
Have I become someone new… no I have not!!!
I still like the same things that I liked… I have not changed my tastes or preferences for anything…
But I do agree that I have become more receptive to things that are happening around me… I like things that are happening in my life now…
It's a new found sense of independence, freedom or whatever you wanna call it..!!!
And I don’t wanna lose it..!!! I really don't..!!
I love it too much…
I want to live my life the way I want to as I want to…
Is that too much to ask for..??
Is it… I dunno…

3 comments:

  1. Too many questions :-D
    Listen to the song 'Its rocking!!' or 'Maujha Maujha'. (U may not like Ms Kapoor in these songs, but turn the video off!)
    That would chill u out!
    Doing nothing and sitting alone are my fav hobbies too (though i seldom get such opportunities)
    BTW, do u always blog in bulk?! :-P

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  2. @ imthe - well yep.. i normally do blog in bulk.. not too much work in office so well..!! hehehe...
    and btw i like these songs too.. they are good!
    hey come on gimme ur identity...

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  3. kool! good taste of songs!
    when the topic of identity comes, i get reminded of these lines, i had seen somewhere (in your page itself?) "in the blog world, whats in a name" :-D
    Well, for another clue, I get hits, courtesy you :-P
    Keep blogging...

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