What did you think you'd be when you grew up?

Ok! That’s a good question. Honestly, I don’t remember. And frankly, a little too late to answer this question, I suppose!! ;-) 

All the while, growing up, there were different things I wanted to do. One year I wanted to be a newsreader, another year I wanted to be a journalist, some time in between I wanted to pursue dance full-time, and at other times I wanted to be a CA, you know follow dad’s footsteps and all that. One thing I was extremely clear about was that I would never be an engineer or a doctor. Aversion to science influenced that decision pretty heavily. ;)

But then once I finished schooling and graduation in commerce, I didn’t really have a clue as to what I really wanted to do. At that point I wasn’t very keen on CA, having given the foundation exam and not faring well, the ego took quite a beating! :-/ A lot of my classmates were bandying about MBA, CAT, XAT etc., so I decided to join that bandwagon. Took a year off after graduation, did my MBA preparations (yeah right!) and then got into ASB. And then finished that, got placed and now I am in a job that has nothing to do with what I majored in MBA. Okay! Maybe just a little bit to do with what I studied.

If you still ask me, what I really want to do, I have no clue yet. All I know is, this corporate career doesn’t warm the cockles of my heart, even if it does pay the bills. And currently, I am not exactly gutsy enough to venture into that something that I don’t know for sure. A few months ago, though, when the lines on my forehead were getting a little too deep for my liking, I wanted to call it quits on the corporate front by mid-life, move to the foothills of some mountain and set up a cottage there and be there, writing, reading etc., but that sounds far-fetched even to my ears now. Sigh! But maybe someday, huh!

The one thing I was and still am when it comes to it, is that I was never the ambitious sort. Worst case, my ambition would probably be to ensure that I have enough security – emotionally and financially – and I’d be sorted. So, I think yeah, contentment was the one thing that I always leaned towards. 

Right! I think I am getting a little too preachy here! :P 

Even now, my ambitions are still stagnant, in terms of career and such. As long as it pays the bills, I am good.

As for the rest of what makes my soul happy, I have my diversions! :)

30 things that make me smile! :) :)

I like today’s prompt … it makes me feel all nice, warm and fuzzy when I think about these things and trust me it was no easy task to think up of things that would make me smile… I am sure I would have a lot more if I dredge up the energy to think, but some of these materialistic and not-so-materialistic things should do for now…

And therefore, in no particular order ...

“Traditions that I have formed or those that have been followed for ages at home. Going back home for a vacation and checking out each nook, cranny and corner for familiar smells and things. Black and white photographs. Random hugs from the back. Dancing and sweating it out and having an ‘endorphin’ high! A very well made cup of coffee with just the right amount of milk and very little sugar. Drizzles on the face while taking long walks. Songs, places, things that bring back bitter-sweet memories. Surprises when you least expect it. A long road trip. Bike rides or car drives where the window is open and the breeze is on your face bringing with it those stray droplets. The smell of old books. Road-side tea and samosas. Visiting temples just in time to see the deeparadhanai and listening to the legends of what made these temples special. The smell of chembakam flowers that brings back memories of Kalam and elaneer! Soft cotton sarees which fall just-so-right. Vatthakozhambu and potato fry. Babies and that baby smell that pervades the room when they are around. Sunsets and sunrises (whenever I get a chance). Subtle word plays. A good book that keeps me thinking about it for the next couple of hours or days. Walking barefoot on morning dew filled grass! Early morning quiet. Big furry dogs. Adventure sports and the high that comes with it. A feel-good movie or a well-choreographed dance performance or a well-sung song! Unexpected compliments. Traveling to a new place, soaking in the sights and the culture. Decade old friendships and the memories associated with them. 

A post well-written.”

When the mind goes a-wandering…

Sometimes I miss home. Mostly those days when I am feeling a bit under the weather and sick. But those are the times that I crave for Amma’s cuddle or Appa’s fretfulness at what might just be a headache.

Days when I am bogged down at work, or I feel unbelievable amounts of stress for no particular reason, my mind starts wandering. I reminisce about Kalam. About old childhood memories.

Have I told you about Kalam?

It was this large family home where I and Achu spent the better part of our childhood.  The house is no longer standing; we razed it down as it was getting difficult to maintain it, what with the termites and other small reptiles making it their home. But it was such a beautiful sprawling house. I make it a point to visit it every time I am at Palghat. A walk through the winding trails, through the bushes, an almost dry canal, into the rubber trees, and back to the base finishing off with an elaneer or two, is a standing practice these days. I have very fond memories of the place.

Appa’s Rajdoot bike parked in a corner.  Sargent our dog, who used to  make himself comfortable beside the bike.  Achu wearing my blue frock and coming down the stairs at Kalam.  Amma chasing us all around the house with books in one hand, trying to make us sit and study.  Ammamma holding a long stick in her hands, trying to hunt down the snake that appeared in the store-room amidst the dry coconut husks.  Sahadevan’s auto.  The Chembaka tree in front and the smell of the flowers. The Krishna idol that stands tall and the bench where Thatha used to sit.  The parrot cage hanging in front of the pillars outside with the cawing of the bird and me trying to teach the bird to sing / talk / repeat after me. Skinned knees from the trips down to the ‘parakulam’.  Amma wrapping me and Achu in one big towel after our baths.  The huge Aatukattil in the hall.  The cool floors inside where Thatha used to lie down in the afternoons and let us kids climb all over him.  The office rooms at the end of each side where chithappa and thatha sat doing their work.  The bell that Thatha jangled when he did the poojai.  The old bathrooms with their creaky taps.  The naripaarai where foxes used to come at night.  The attic where one had to crawl up a flight of stairs, almost like transporting us into a fabled other world.  The bats that used to be seen in the attic sometimes.  The granary inside the house where they used to store rice and other items.  The thair-kadayal that happened religiously every day.  The vadaams and koozhumaavu that Ammamma dried on the terrace.  The rubber sheets and the smokehouse.  The cowshed and the cows that grazed around.  The chakkai’s during the season. And the mambazhams. The elaneer that Sahadevan prised off the coconut trees. The bilvam leaves. The odds and ends, nooks and crannies, the water tanks. The rubber trees. The canal that ran by the side of it. The ball badminton ground. The Vishnu temple.

You know how they say; you never know value of what you have until you lose it?

Kalam for me is an example of that. Sometimes I wish the place was still there or that we had kept it and maintained it for what it was worth. 

I wish I was there now.

At Kalam. Or at least what’s left of it.  

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Translations: 

elaneer - tender coconut juice, chembaka - champak tree, aatukattil - traditional swinging bed, naripaarai - fox hillock (literal translation), thayir-kadayal - churning of the milk to get curd, chakkai - jackfruit, mambazham- mangoes, paarakulam - rock pond. 

Of Simpler times. Simpler Lives.

She stepped out of the hotel and looked up at the sky. A clear cloudless day. The sun was streaming down unflinchingly on the tourists. Big floppy hats, oversized sunglasses and tubes of sunscreen were all she could see on most of the tourists around. This was actually the best time of the year to visit Thailand, when the days were sultry and the nights were cool. It sometimes rained in the evenings but overall there was a pleasant breeze that was present all throughout. Today however, was a different story. She took measured steps towards the gully-like road towards the beach. A few more yards and she would lose the hotel Wi-Fi connection. She sent off a message to her folks, then looked around, ignoring the hawkers peddling their wares. And it was then that this caught her eye.

It instantly transported her to those days when she was a young brat, begging for rides in her great-aunt’s vintage fiat. The military green colour. The hardened seats. The window that you had to struggle with all your might to roll down. But all said and done, the car had that old-worldly charm. Her childhood was filled with many a ride in that car. Summer vacations back then were fun. Her entire brood of cousins would land up at her grandmother’s place and afternoons would be spent at her great-aunts’ place, lying down on the cool floors that were sprinkled with some water, listening to the stories that her aunt told about the golden days when they were kids and how simple life used to be back then. Pestering her aunt, while the latter went on her medical rounds, taking on some house visits, struggling all the while to keep quiet and not create a racket, as bored as she got, for she knew the rewards lay at the end of the ride. Sometimes, it was those orange candies or lemon candies, sometimes it was vanilla ice cream, and if she was really really good, she would be treated with one of those cassata bars. Simple life. Of no expectations and no worries. There was always someone to get her back and people to fall back on. The only biggest worry then was whether the skinned knee would hurt when she had a bath or if she would get the lion’s share of her grand mom’s famous fried potatoes. Simpler times. Simpler lives.

She felt the phone in her hand vibrate. Jolted out of the blue, she saw her dad’s message asking her to be safe and not to roam around after dark. She put the phone in her bag, and walked off to the beach. The sunset was just a few minutes away. It was one of the other things that soothed her mind. The nostalgia coupled with the homesickness brought on by the message heightened the urge to head back home.

She promised to herself. Soon. Soon.

Funny how random things could trigger off hidden memories and calm the mind.

Sometimes it was a stray word, sometimes the tune of a long-forgotten song, and sometimes a vintage car :)