Old Memories... Young Hopes.. Pieces of Dreams...

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

A gust of wind fluttered around her… a chill passed through her spine… she wound her fur-jacket tightly across herself and continued walking… the teardrop that stood like a beaded jewel on her cheek frozen thanks to the wintry weather, spiraled down as though being propelled by the blast of air that enclosed her from all sides…. Her hands grew numb even inside the gloves… she wondered for a minute if it was due to the coldness that crept through her heart or the climate that was threatening to freeze her to death??? Either ways she was going to be cold for a long while…

She was nervous!! She who had always been cocksure of everything… she was the confident one… the one who had a solution to every problem… the one who could turn the atmosphere around her to smiles in an instant… the privileged soul whom a lot of them sought to be like… she had EVERYTHING after all… everything that she had ever craved for and some that she did not even long for… but what was she nervous about?? What was that eerie feeling that crept at her inner self when she was alone… what were these unwanted thoughts that skulk around in her mind when she was by herself… what were these dark alleys through which the deep channels of her mind traverse… why couldn’t she be normal, ordinary, sane like the rest of her people were… why did she torture herself by behaving like a scaredy-cat??

Scared?? Scared of what?? Why?? Who?? She who had everything in her life… she who was the ‘fortunate one’ as tagged by those around her… she who was the happy-go-lucky person… what did she have to be scared of? She had people to take care of her… people who would move mountains for her and bring to her on a platter the salve for any kind of pain she sought… and why would she be in pain in the first place?? Was she not the other end… the one that causes pain rather than being caused…!! But as she knew, pain could be of various kinds… some physical, some mental, some metaphysical, some that are minuscule, some that are small, some that are big, some that are astronomical, some that she was sure she could handle, some she was not too sure she could handle, some that she were skeptical of, some that she just laughed away… now she was digressing… her thoughts were going awry…

Concentrate! Concentrate!

She of all people should know what it was to concentrate… the way her brows furrowed and her forehead knitted when she was trying to dredge up something from her memory… had she not done it umpteen times… whenever she had to remember a particular recipe, when she had to think of a particular person, when she had to recollect an address, when she had to summon up a number, when she reminiscences of her childhood carefree days…

But nowadays it seems to be a little too often… this contemplation of various things… this invoking of certain thoughts, this appealing to the mind and brain to bring something to the fore…. She has been wondering why for some time now… Lack of concentration? Distractions in various forms? Absentmindedness? Forgetfulness? What can it be termed as… those days when she had things on her fingertips seem to be long gone… those days when she used to be the one stop point of contact for everyone has bypassed… they seem to be eons ago…

Oh! Who’s this?? Who’s been keeping a watch on her movements and thoughts? Who’s been stealthily keeping a track of her acts and deeds?!! She vaguely remembers a face like that, a wistful look, the remnants of a smile, the clenching and unclenching of the hands, the stiff body…!!! She wondered why…

Well… that’s all her life seemed to be these days… wondering about something, surprised of things that come up..!!!

Ever since she had that mishap, she was like this!!!

Lost in thoughts!!

Lost… Forgotten… Gone….

Dust to dust… Ashes to Ashes….

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