I want to title this as 'An Ode to something...' But I can't think of anything!

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

I was browsing through my feed reader a little while ago, looking for ideas on blog posts. I came across a post on social networking sites. Now this is a subject that I haven't really touched upon in this blog. Then I realized that I did have something to talk about it.  

Thanks to the usage of WhatsApp and Facebook and other social media sites, I have gotten in touch with a whole lot of my old friends and classmates and such. And when I say gotten back in touch, I mean accepted the friend requests, sent a few friend requests because we had more than a reasonable number of mutual friends, wished them on Facebook on their birthdays and I am a part of the school / college WhatsApp groups.

I’ll be honest. When I started getting friend requests from old school mates and classmates, I was thrilled and surprised. Thrilled because oh now I could go through their photos and see how much has changed from the days I knew them, and surprised because well, I didn’t really think they would remember me or who I was after all these years. Let’s face it, back in school, I mean my 10th and 12th schooling I was a nondescript kid. I kept to myself, spoke when I was spoken to, took part in dance events, didn’t really hang out with the popular kids, basically kept a low profile. I was never comfortable in large groups, I never spoke to everyone and anyone and I tend to get claustrophobic just thinking about them large groups. So when Facebook was starting to get really popular, it was all about how many people you could track down, add, increase the friends count etc etc, leave alone whether you actually recognized the person from their profile. I think that for some people it still holds true. Frankly it takes me a while to figure out who the person who sent me the friend request sometimes is, and that is after a lot of prodding, nudging, stalking their profile for clues or the worst case, asking one of the common friends. Which I do know is really bad. I am sorry about it but that’s the truth. It has been a little more than 15 years since I passed my boards and more than 10 years since my graduation. In this last decade, after I have passed out of my school and college for graduation, I haven’t ever been back to my alma mater. Not for any events, not for reunions, not even to just visit and stop by and admire the fa├žade.

The same holds true for my MBA. I passed out of MBA 9 years ago. I actually liked that place. But I hated it too. I shared a love-hate relationship with the place. No not with the people. But the place brought out the worst in me. It turned me into this girl with a pseudo-attitude and a penchant for drama and someone who thrives on the dynamics of other people around me. I hated myself when I was there and when I left the place, moved to take up my job, it was with a sense of relief. And over the years, I have come to realize that I don’t miss it. I never felt connected to the place there. Much as I never felt connected to any of my places of education. 

So when I read posts about how much people missed the school / college, the canteen / hostel, or how they walked over the narrow paths, the grass-filled grounds etc, I cannot for the life of me relate to it. I didn’t see what the connection was. I didn’t miss the places. I didn’t even sometimes recollect who or what they were talking about. I did miss a few people whom I had met there, sure, but those that I missed, I have made it a point to keep in touch with them. The others I decided that I would let them be. As they let me be.

And I mean no offence here to anyone. Not to my alma maters nor to my school / class mates. These people have been a huge part of my formative years and they have played a humongous role in shaping me up to be the person I am.

And this is the person I am today.

And so on this note, a few weeks back I cleared up my friends list, removed a few people from it that I didn’t recognize, exited out of a few WhatsApp groups and basically did a bit of cleaning up and organizing. I am sure all of you must have done it at some point or the other. I think the exit out of the WhatsApp groups may have ruffled a few feathers for a few minutes but honestly I am sure, no one really even feels bad about it.

In any case, a bit of spring cleaning is good and it fills you with a new purpose. Makes you feel like that you have taken control of your life, for about 5 minutes :P
If any of my friends, college or school or even old work colleagues are reading this, and you feel offended for some reason, please do understand that it is nothing personal. It’s just the way I am wired now.

I have stopped trying to please people for the sake of it. I have stopped trying to fit in. I have stopped trying to make people like me. If they like me for who I am, good, if they don’t, too bad, I can’t do anything about it. I still do try and change some peoples’ opinions about me, but I have stopped trying to shove it down their throats and make a point out of it.
I have realized that I am like this. And I like me like this. 
Sometimes, growing old does have its moments! ;) 

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