Unfettered... Unfastened...!!!

“There are things known;
There are things unknown;
And between them are the DOORS….”
You know when you have absolutely nothing to do… the mind starts traversing and then going off into directions that you never ever expected it would go…!!! Pointless things that you actually end up contemplating… like why is there such a thing as ego… or why aren’t people more open and straight-forward… why are girls so complicated… why is that sometimes all you ever wanna do is to just sit simply and stare into space??... See it’s all quite pointless as I told you… this is what happens when you have nothing better to do and everything that you can do is quite boring..!! Happens within a space of time… sometimes you feel as though all you ever wanna do is to sit simply, do nothing..!! Quite an oxymoron that one is – all I want to do is nothing!
I dunno how far this is true… but after I have come here and have started working; I feel good about myself… it is more like I have discovered myself.. :-) The true person that I am..
I was just thinking about it yesterday…
These people that I am staying with here, my own batch mates, all of 'em… they are hardly the people I would have chosen to stay with if I had a choice back then when I was at ASB because of the perceptions I had about them… the fracas' that we all had with each other at some point of time during our MBA relating to whatever it was – studies, personal problems, other activities… Infact these people would not have even been in my list frankly speaking…
But now that I am staying with them, meeting them on a daily basis, talking to them, sharing office happenings with them, bitching about colleagues, and a whole lot of other things that I would not even have thought of sharing with these people when I was in college… but they are all nice people and their personalities are probably coming out now too.. Unfettered and unfastened… the way they react to situations when they are not actually answerable to anyone..!! And you know what I wonder rt now.. Why was I not friends with them earlier… oh yes! There are a lot of things about them that sometimes irritate me but then they would be feeling that about me as well.. And well… no one is perfect after all.. if each person actually acted and behaved the same way as the other.. wats interesting in life..!! Lol..!! :P
The other day I was talking to one of my best buddies and we were generally discussing about how we can go partying if once am in Chennai or he in Hyderabad and well he made a comment saying that this is Aishu's wild side coming out etc..!! And I suddenly started wondering whether this is actually an aspect of my personality that was hidden or whether this is the real me..!!! Hmmm…
This is the real me… I like partying, making new friends, being ambitious and enjoying life in general… but I dunno why people suddenly tag me as saying that I have changed… because I have not.. This is wat I was.. This is how I am… maybe I had to adjust to a certain life there when they knew me but that's not the real me… this is the real me…
Are not people different?? Is it not wrong to actually expect a person to behave the same way as you would in a particular situation.. Is it not expecting too much from a person who is unlike you in most ways… is it not a fact that when you expect some things from a person you are actually expecting that person to change… and also when those expectations get unfulfilled then you also get hurt?? Why would you want to get hurt at the end of it all?? So why is it that you expect something like this in the first place out of the person??
Any person for that matter!!! Anybody… not just people in relationships, but otherwise as well… why expect something from a person... why?
But now I am scared… did people back there like me because of the way I was there… will they find it difficult to accept me once they know that this is the real me??
I am not perfect.. That’s not wat I am trying to say here…
I am just plain confused… or stark raving mad..!??!?! I dunno…
I don’t even have any clue as to why I am writing all this… I just wanted to spill it out and to write it down…
But then at the end has it made me feel better?? Well I dunno..!!! I guess I just have to wait for a bit…!!
But have I changed?? No I have not!!!
Have I become someone new… no I have not!!!
I still like the same things that I liked… I have not changed my tastes or preferences for anything…
But I do agree that I have become more receptive to things that are happening around me… I like things that are happening in my life now…
It's a new found sense of independence, freedom or whatever you wanna call it..!!!
And I don’t wanna lose it..!!! I really don't..!!
I love it too much…
I want to live my life the way I want to as I want to…
Is that too much to ask for..??
Is it… I dunno…

A Smooch from a Pooch :-)

It was a Saturday afternoon – a working Saturday. One of those weird days when u don’t feel like doing anything… me and my team along with my boss and my super boss(boss’ boss) had lunch at a ‘Pizza Hut’ near my office… came back to work at around 2:45 sorts while my super boss went on his way home..!! Saturday and all that! Humph!

And then we get a call from him saying that his mom had passed away (she was suffering for a long time, poor thing! May her soul rest in peace!) and that he had to leave immediately to Kolkata…there was some pending work to be completed with regards to a programme that was coming up in our unit so me, my boss and my colleague – cum – brother Kalyan went to Santanu’s (super boss) house.

The minute we reached Santanu’s place we saw him standing on the balcony with a huge hulk of a dog beside him. I kinda went weak in the knees. :-s I have always been fond of dogs but of late at a safe distance. We had dogs for pets when I was young and the one that I was very close to died when I was still a kid and somehow ever since have never been able to get close to another dog. Anyways all that apart, this one that was standing with Santanu looked HUGE! And SWEET as hell too! But I was still petrified! Thankfully as soon as we went in Santanu locked him up in a room and we got on with our work! Half-way through the work the conversation turned to dogs and their habits etc and Santanu started talking abt his “Jericho” and how he was a family dog and how he likes having people arnd him etc. Soon my boss and kalyan started contributing as to how they have had dogs etc and how much they like dogs, which breed is the best etc! Then, my boss very gallantly said “Santanu, why don’t u let Jericho out?”Santanu took one look at my face and asked me in a very hopeful sort of way, “Do u mind Aishwarya, are you scared of dogs? I don’t normally keep Jericho locked in. he hates that.” Now what do u say to that… I said no problems and my boss and Kalyan said that they can handle him etc etc…

The next few things that happened were like scenes out of a movie…

The big thing came rushing out of the room, happy at being let out, slipping on the mosaic with his big paws and came speeding up to all of us, sniffing each of us in turn. It got hold of my boss’s cell phone – Nokia N 95 – in its mouth and u shud have seen the look on my boss’s face..!! heheheh..!! Somehow my boss managed to get it out of its mouth and wiped it..! And then it lay down near his feet for a bit of time catching its breath while it regained its energy with my boss ruffling its head and rubbing it. About a couple of mins later, it got up again and started sniffing at each one of us, this time concentrating on me and Kalyan. It soon left Kalyan and started sniffing me. I was totally scared stiff and that would be an understatement. I was holding my breath and this thing was sniffing me like I was a piece of juicy steak. Whew!!! And then suddenly without any sort of warning it jumped on me keeping its front paws on my shoulders and gave one side of my face a thorough lick! Not just once or twice, but three whole times!!! And more over it snuggled me with its nose… I was seriously caught unawares and it was a pretty heavy dog. On one hand I was trying to catch my breath and on the other restrain the pooch… well quite a hard task. Thank god for Santanu who pulled Jericho away…!!! I let out a HUGE breath of relief.. But I guess I spoke too soon… Santanu was trying to put the dog back in the room when it broke loose and came rushing out again.. And guess who it came directly for… Yours Truly!!! It was like a rerun of the same thing.. Paws on my shoulders, cupla licks down my face and a snuggle..!! Phew!!
I was stunned..!! Totally, Entirely, Absolutely floored…

Santanu was explaining to me that I was one of the lucky ones and that was the lab’s way of greeting..! It does not do that with a lot of people and that it must like me a lot..!!
Well I like that… and I love Jericho!!! It’s such a cute pooch!!

But my boss and Kalyan did have something to contribute to it at the end as well..!!
Kalyan: “I knew there were a lot of guys who found u attractive and sexy and all that… but well DOGS too??... This I did not know!!”
Boss: “No Kalyan, You don’t understand, May be the dog has not been CROSSED!!!”…!!

Now how does one react to that!!! :-s

Life's little lesson....

One of the precious little lessons life has taught me........!!

There comes a time when you have to stand up and shout:

This is me damn it!

I look the way I look, think the way I think, feel the way I feel, love the way I love!

I am a whole complex package.

Take me... or leave me.

Accept me - or walk away!

Do not try to make me feel like less of a person, just because I don't fit your idea of who I should be and don't try to change me to fit your mold.

If I need to change, I alone will make that decision.
When you are strong enough to love yourself 100%, good and bad –
You will be amazed at the opportunities that life presents you.”

My life as a Working Professional....

I guess being out here on your own in the “big, bad corporate” world does teach you a whole lot of things about LIFE… Sometimes you feel that life is so good..!! That nothing can ever go wrong… and the minute you start feeling that well… Murphy’s Law comes into play..!! Heard of it…??? Things that could not possibly go wrong will start going wrong..!! So you see… it does have its plus and minus points… I mean at least for me… for a girl who specialized in HR and who used to hate excel sheets look at what Satyam landed me into..!!! A world of excel sheets analyzing business performance..!! That’s why I guess some wise guy cracked.. “If you can’t do what you like.. Like what you do...”!! heh heh..!! And guess what I discovered – excel can be fun too..!!! :-)..
Being in this world sure does give you a feel of importance…
I dunno how many of friends would agree with me on this… I love this world..!! Of course it might be too early for me to say that I love everything about my job but well so far it’s been good..!!
I remember the first time we were given access cards to enter into the sanctum sanctorum of the office…. Oh!! I felt like someone so significant..!! heh heh..!! More so than ever when this person whom I had called up with regard to something called me Ma’am..!! :p Lol… and to think the guy was in the same level as me..!! :-)…Small things such as attending team meetings, or calling up and confirming something from a higher-up.. going for long drawn out teas with the team at the local tea stall… drinking from those “supposedly dirty glasses”… having pani-puri from the local chaat wala… having the status in the office communicator set to “in a meeting” or “do not disturb”… infuses you with such a feeling of importance that it feels great..!! The high that it gives me is incomparable to anything else..!!
It feels good to hear when your roomie calls up and asks when are we going home..?? Is the apartment where we are staying actually home.. Well it is a home away from home.. Our own place.. No matter we pay an arm and a leg for it..!! And the exhilarating feel when u actually go out and buy something for the household (provisions and such)… and the fact that you actually think how much you are paying for it (it’s our hard-earned money after all..!!) and comparing brands… well… all I can is it’s quite an experience..!! Going back home to decide what to cook for the night and how to save up on stuff..!! I’m sure my friends would not agree on the cooking part.. as a disclaimer – my roomies cook and clean.. it’s a sorta contractual agreement…!!!;-)
My roomies are the most chilled out girls that I have come across so far… they let me be the way I am and the feeling’s mutual.. its like we have our own boundaries drawn out without even mentioning it aloud… our conversations are always filled with so much of laughter and fun that it feels great being with them… and to think these are the people with whom I mostly never even interacted with in college… to think that I missed out on knowing them earlier on in my MBA… shucks… but then for some things…”Better late than never”… isn’t it how the adage goes…
Its so much fun fending out on your own in this place… the fun times that I have had with these people are like beyond comparison with anything else… right from the time we spent at our training at STC, ashu’s log book incidents… glen’s witty comments in that kanjirapally slang…murali’s flirting with the chicks at STC… the long walks with adi in STC discussing crap…the royalty treatment that we RTLC analysts received at STC… the day we moved into this apartment that we call HOME…the amount of times we have gotten food from our very own – alfatha hotel – (yeah now its our own… the chappies in that place wud have made a lotta money from their “regular loyal customers: - US!!!)…the way we celebrated glen’s birthday sharp at midnight (she was the only one who liked the cake that we ordered for her.. me and ashu hated it..!!)…glen’s treat for the “amrita gang” at tarang (something I’m sure she wud not forget in a hurry)…the night they took me to the hospital when I puking my lungs out (as usual something I ate!!) … the time we all decided to go for “Chak De India” and then the guys goofed up and booked tickets for “Budda Mar Gaya” … the time we actually went for “Chak De India” (finally!!).. The day we decided to have a “Girls Night Out” and got sloshed on a bottle of Bacardi Reserva ( I was out by the third drink – not gonna do that anytime soon)…the time rahul, me, ashu and murali were up most of the night discussing things ranging from underwater creatures to ghosts.. and how we ended up scaring the wits out of murali with ashu dressing up like a ghost…the celebrations when India won the T-20 world cup…
And of course our “experiences” at the office… with prado, appachan, terror, gyaan guru, deep automation, king cobra…(nicknames for our colleagues…)… the different kinds of people we meet at our workplace…!!! The gang that like Udit said "is worth belonging to..." (I am a proud member of the so-called gang..)
Too many fun times…!! Too many good times…!! Lots of experiences to share with… they will definitely fill a book…actually a cupla books..!!

The fun things we do…the laughter we share…are a few things that show…how much we care!!!!

Till later.. ciao.. adios… sayonara…!! ;)

One of the most meaningful poems i have come across..

You can shed tears that she is gone, or you can smile because she has lived...
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back, or you can open your eyes and see all she's left...
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her, or you can be full of the love you shared...
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday, or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday...
You can remember her only that she is gone, or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back...
Or you can do what she'd want: smile, open your eyes love and go on...

- The Internet..!!!

Lives, like money, are spent... What are you buying with yours???

Some wonderful quotes courtesy the INTERNET…
Poignant yet funny… Cryptic yet straightforward… Sharp yet Blunt…
Think about them… take it in whatever sense u want to…!!
But brilliant they are all the same… they have been compiled here in the form of an essay, dissertation, exposition whatever u wanna call it..!!!
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I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity!!! As we know, there are known knowns. There are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns. That is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns, the ones we don't know we don't know…

I found every single successful person I've ever spoken to had a turning point. The turning point was when they made a clear, specific unequivocal decision that they were not going to live like this anymore; they were going to achieve success. Some people make that decision at 15 and some people make it at 50, and most people never make it all. I've looked at life from both sides now from win and lose and still somehow it’s life's illusions I recall; I really don't know life at all. No matter how careful you are, there's going to be the sense you missed something, the collapsed feeling under your skin that you didn't experience it all. There's that fallen heart feeling that you rushed right through the moments where you should've been paying attention. Well, get used to that feeling. That's how your whole life will feel some day. This is all practice. None of this matter!!! We're just warming up. We seem to be going through a period of nostalgia, and everyone seems to think yesterday was better than today. I don't think it was, and I would advise you not to wait ten years before admitting today was great. If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time. Millions who long for immortality do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon. If we listened to our intellect, we'd never have a love affair. We'd never have a friendship. We'd never go into business, because we'd be too cynical. Well, that's nonsense. You've got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your wings on the way down. Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do.
So throw off the bowlines…
Sail away from the safe harbor…
Catch the trade winds in your sails…
Explore!! Dream!! Discover!!

If I had my life to live over, I'd dare to make more mistakes next time. I'd relax; I'd limber up. I would be sillier than I have been this trip. I would take fewer things seriously. I would take more chances. I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers. I would eat more ice cream and fewer beans. I would perhaps have more actual troubles, but I'd have fewer imaginary ones. You see, I'm one of those people who lived sensibly and sanely hour after hour, day after day. Oh, I had my moments, and if I had to do it over again, I'd have more of them. In fact, I'd try to have nothing else. Just moments, one after the other, instead of living so many years ahead of each day. I've been one of those persons who never goes anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a raincoat, and a parachute. If I had it to do over again, I would travel lighter than I have. If I had my life to live over again, I would start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall. I would go to more dances; I would ride more merry-go-rounds. I would pick more daisies. Be yourself, don't take anyone's shit, and never let them take you alive.
If you wait to do everything until you're sure it's right, you'll probably never do much of anything.

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia!!!

Lives, like money, are spent. What are you buying with yours???

Who am I..!?!!?

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