The struggle to persevere!

Day 2 and am wracking my brains on what to write. I know it’s too soon, but I totally understand how hard it is to write something and publish it on a daily basis. If I sound like a crib-pot, I am sorry but that’s not what I want this to come across as.

I have already discarded three topics, and shut down the drafts that I started penning on them. I have a few ideas that I really do want to write about, but somehow for some reason none of them are striking quite the right chord today. And now as I see the clock ticking towards the midnight deadline, I can feel the old stress creeping up. :) I promised myself that I wouldn’t get stressed for something as trivial as this, but I do need to pen down something for myself more than anything else and that’s when I realize that this isn’t as trivial as I thought it to be.

I do make it sound like a big deal, huh! :) But of course IT IS A BIG DEAL, for me!

At the beginning of the year, I made a bucket list of sorts. :) things that I wanted to accomplish this year. I think the very many trips last year had something to do with it. But I figured all is well, it’s always good to have something listed down and I have very specific goals that I want to complete this year. Some are quite simple like starting to read a new author, others not so much for eg: learning to swim!!

This blogathon is one of the things on that bucket list.

And as the years catch up on me, I find that its becoming very very hard to let go of things as easily as I could. There’s that dull prick inside of me that keeps telling me that I gave up too easily too soon. Of course, along with many things that have changed within me, this one has gotten stronger – when something means a lot to me, I don’t really give up on it, I keep coming back to it, one way or the other holding and not really letting go! :)

It makes me realize how much has changed within me over the past few years. Of how I am no longer the person I used to be. Of how my priorities have changed. Of how right now I am craving to hold on to my roots and my upbringing in a weird way that’s almost laughable. But that’s a post for another day, people!

For now, all I want to say is that, I will persevere. This is more a note to myself than to anyone else there, but it does make it sound very official and all that, now that it’s up on the blog for the entire world to see! Amps up the pressure I tell you, which is also a good thing! :)

And now for some weird reason, I have that Hum Honge Kamyaab song running in my head!

Oh well! :P

Until tomorrow... Peace out! :)

As far as it goes ...

There are these very few times this undeniable urge to write strikes me! Like this itch that will not go until I spill out what is in my mind.

It’s probably because of all the blog posts that I read last month and the blogathon that took place in Jan 2016. Which led me to think that I should probably do one too!! Like maybe commemorate a decade of blogging. I mean, I should have just done one along with the rest of the world last month, but the bright idea didn’t strike me until a little late into the month and therefore the spill-over into the second month of this year... I actually even thought that I should wait until September, you know the month I started blogging back in 2006. Cheesy much? :) But who has that much patience!! :) Definitely not me. :) And therefore I preponed it to this month. Also lesser number of days in Feb and all that. ;)

The funny part about this is that I do not have anything to say most of the time. Not for today, not for this week and most certainly not for this entire month. I figured I could cross that bridge when I come to it! ;). However, the even funnier part is I am the most comfortable when it comes to writing down stuff than talking it out. I have no idea why. I simply see it more coherently and clearly, when I am writing it down.

As the years roll by, I realize that I have started giving writing as much importance as I give dancing. The fact that I don’t do both as much as I would like to is something that makes me feel immensely guilty. In fact, I didn’t really realize how much I craved putting words to my thoughts until a few weeks ago when I was really stressed and I just went and got myself a notebook and pen – an impulse buy! It was when I started penning into that, I realized how much of peace it brought me.

For all that happens and has happened, I don’t know if I have started something yet again, that I cannot finish. Remember the 100 happy days’ fiasco. But right now, the important thing to me is that I have started this. I’ll let it go as long as it does. No pressure. No compulsions. Just the need to keep writing.

People unwind in different ways … vent out their emotions in various ways.

Some sleep. Some drink. Some go wild. Some go quiet. Some start to shout. And some others cry.

Me – I look for myself, I find myself and I lose myself in words. 

Sometimes my own, sometimes someone else’s.

2016 - a week gone by and a nice new shiny badge from BlogAdda :)

7 days down in 2016 and it has been an awesome week in 2016 so far. :)

Highlights of the week…

My New Years start was pretty darn good. Close Friends, Drizzles and the Fireworks. It’s a combination that cannot go wrong ever. :) Midnight wishes SG time with the family and friends who are as good as family and a temple visit on the evening of Jan 1^st rounded it all up very well. :) :)

Last working day at Bank of Singapore was a couple of days ago. When I joined BOS, I was, more or less to say, floundering. Not knowing what I was getting into, plus I was going through a shitty personal time as well back then. Three months into the job, I was ready to quit. Honestly. And then, my manager for the better parts of my BOS journey, convinced me otherwise. He told me to take a break, come back rejuvenated and then start all over again. I did that. And then there was no looking back. I can safely say that BOS was one helluva journey. I have dipped my hands into so many aspects of the team there and have had the opportunity to learn so much there. I think it has made me evolve into a better professional at the end of the day and for that I will always thank my manager at the beginning of my stint in BOS.

I’m right now at HOME SWEET HOME. :) It has been about 7 months since I have come here. The first few hours at home, I’m like this dog who goes around sniffing each and every corner trying to grasp and mark its territory, wondering what has changed and how much. :) There is definitely no place like home as they say. Forced double helpings of all kinds of yummy food, loot from Kalam (read jackfruits, coconuts, guavas and bananas) and the fact that I am not doing one single thing. I eat, laze, read, sleep and repeat.

But the highlight of this week has to be the fact that my last post, was picked up by the good folks at BlogAdda for their TangyTuesday Picks :) … First ever time that has ever happened… and the high!! WHOA!! :) They have given me a nice shiny badge that I have updated the post with and a cute write up on their site.. So Yaaaayyy!! :)

Check this out..

So that’s been my week peeps :)

How has yours been? :)

The traditional wrap-up post for 2015 - the year that was!!

And so, we are back with the traditional year-end post.

I love traditions. They make me feel secure, that everything is right with the world at that moment. Be it daily, monthly or those randomly regular ones, they make me feel contented. Like those temple visits on festival days, or how it always rains on Christmas Eve. New dresses for special occasions, midnight birthday wishes, Appa’s rituals before the Shiva poojai in the morning, Amma’s chanting of the Lalitha Sahasranamam, the good morning and goodnight messages, the messages that come checking up on you, asking if lunch was done or whether you have reached a particular place, the hugs, or the random ruffles on the hair. I take note of quite a few of these traditions. I derive my sense of stability and comfort from them. I wait for them with an anticipation that belies the nonchalance I portray. Even if one of them gets missed or is out of place, I get antsy. A little nervous, like something is going wrong.

This year-end wrap up is like that. The year does not feel complete without one of these on the blog. It is a tradition that has come up over the last couple of years. A sort of wind-down on the happenings of the year. A way of looking back over the year that has been and one that will herald the New Year into our midst. I cannot miss this for any reason. :) Something about this makes me feel good when I write. :)

This year, 2015, has been a good one. Lots of fun was had, many trips were done, a bucket list item was checked off, and a few wishes have come true... All in all, a DARN GOOD YEAR!

I am thankful for this year. It has been a while since I felt about a year like that. I cannot remember the last time that I was happy that a particular year has gone well. This year however, I am grateful and appreciative of whatever it has sent my way.

I gave up making New Year resolutions a few years back. I just do not have the tenacity to stick onto them. They feel a lot like rules and I for one am not too fond of rules. Therefore, I put them down as wishes, things that I would like to do. This year has been one that I have managed to complete most of whatever I wished for. As I stated in my previous blog, I travelled a lot this year. Memorable ones, out of which three were road trips, two were to destinations I had previously travelled to, but still were more fun than the last times and on top of my list is the one where I checked off a much-awaited thing off my bucket-list. Yes! I am talking about the bungee jump. You can see that I’m quite proud of it :P I also managed to read a lot this year, all thanks to the Kindle I was gifted. I completed my reading challenge of 24 books in a year, another achievement that I am quite proud of.

This year there have been more of the fun moments than lessons, for which I am thankful. It has been a year of acceptance, one of letting go. It has been a year of knowing that there are things outside my control, things that I cannot do anything about. This year the regrets have been fewer, the smiles a lot more.

My wish for 2016 is quite simple.

For the coming year, I hope for more of the madness, magic and only some of the mundane.

I hope for more of the journeys, more of fun and more of joy all around.

I hope and wish all of you, oodles of ecstasy, and masses of good health, heaps of wealth and truckloads of cheer all year around! :)

 I wish you all a wonderful year ahead, one where you live life to the fullest, one where you smile, look back and say, what a year it has been! :)

HAPPY NEW YEAR and MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU ;-)

A gap-filler tag from Sunday Stealing before the traditional New Year wrap-up post :)

1. What did you do in 2015 that you had never done before?

Travelled almost every month :)

Finished my Reading Challenge of 24 books in 12 months. :)

Petted a few stray Dogs, a Rabbit, a Parakeet, an Elephant and a Tiger :)

Played in the snow:)

Did the world’s tallest bungee jump – personal achievement unlocked.:)

Survived sub-zero temperatures :)

Quit my job :)

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

My primary resolution was to travel a lot. Which I think I did :) I am definitely going to have this resolution for the next year as well along with a few more.:)

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

One. She had a beautiful baby girl. :)

4. Tell us a valuable lesson you learned in 2015?

Patience. Going with the flow. Waiting for the tide to turn.

5. What was your favorite new TV program?

Quantico. Yes! Say what you want, but I think it is quite interesting.

6. What would you like to have in 2016 that you lacked in 2015?

Work satisfaction.

7. What dates from 2015 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Sep 27^th 2015 – Lifetime achievement unlocked – world’s tallest bungee jump.

 

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Doing the bungee jump. :) No doubts there!

 

9. What was your biggest failure?

Learning how to handle some conflicts of emotions.

10. What was the best thing you bought?

I did not need to buy this one. The Kindle that was gifted to me by the gang.

11. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Mine :P :P I accomplished quite a few things that I wanted to this year :)

12. Whose behavior made you appalled and disgusted?

A few people that I thought could not really stoop so low.

13. What song will always remind you of 2015?

Forever trust in who you are, Nothing Else Matters – Metallica. It is a pleasant memory.

14. What do you wish you had done more of?

Travel more. :) Write more :)

15. What do you wish you had done less of?

Cribbing about work and job.

16. What was the best book you read?

This year has to be two of them – Amritanshu Pandey's Seal of Surya – the Legend of Ikshvaku and R. Venketesh’s Of Gods, Kings and Slaves – the Siege of Madurai.

17. What one thing would have made your year measurably more satisfying?

More travelling :)

18. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Patakha Guddi – Highway. (Note: not saying that I’m like her. But I would like to think of myself as free-spirited.)

Someday …

Someday I want to travel so much that I get tired of it. I want to soak in all that is there in the world, seek new experiences, and live to tell fantastic tales of and about the people in them. I want to visit all those temples that hold meaning for me, about the legends that shape them, take amazing photographs of them and write about them into a coffee table book that highlights their pristine and serene beauty. I want to climb a mountain and watch the sunrise in the distance. I want to take sips of tea from the thermos, sit, and revel in the beauty. I want to leave a small indication on top that I have been there. I want to shout out to the world from the high and feel the wind on my face.

Someday I want a place that I can call MY HOME. With the name etched on a wooden board outside, a little bell hanging by its side. A small cozy two-storied haven. Wild flowers growing around it. A small stream gushing by the side. At the foothills of a mountain maybe. Idyllic. Plenty of windows that let the fresh air flow in. A sky roof that lets the sunlight filter in and on which the pitter-patter of rains can be heard. Plenty of woodwork, and wrought-iron work. A well-quipped kitchenette and pantry. Cookbooks lining the island in the kitchen. . Plenty of nooks and corners. Minimalistic designs.

Someday I want to be with a person whom I can cozy up to near the fireplace on cold winter nights, maybe with a glass of steaming hot chocolate by the side. Someone whom I can just lie with my head on his shoulders watching the embers in the fire die down, talking about small things that may or may not matter. Maybe take in a movie together with fingers entwined, or just cuddle up within one blanket and fall asleep in front of the stonewalled fireplace.

Someday I want to have kids, who will scribble on the walls, make me yell at them, or cajole me into joining them on that. With whom I can work on school projects with, make clay models, have them potter around behind my back, asking me a zillion questions about the what and why of everything.

Someday I want to have a dog. A Lab that gambols around and answers to Sargent. One that wakes me in the morning. One that never leaves my side and sticks onto me like glue. One that I can snuggle up to days that I feel alone and miserable. One that begs me with those puppy dog eyes to take him out for a stroll on those balmy evenings after the sun has set.

Some day in my haven, I want to have a studio, with a mural of Lord Shiva on one wall. Shelves filled with books, knick-knacks from travels, curios one-of-a-kind, and Amma’s paintings. Hued colored walls, muted shades that throw shadows and patterns during twilight. My dance anklets. A small music system. Multi-colored throws and rugs and cushions that brighten up the place.

Someday I want to write about the things that make me ME. The smell of old books. 4am conversations, which are peppered with lots of laughter and sober moments of realization. Windswept hair during fast bike rides. Drizzles on the face while taking long walks. A glass of rum on cold nights with people who matter to me. Military prints. Sarees. Ethnic jewelry. Adventure sports. Writing. Mythology. Temples. Tea at the roadside stalls. Hot molaga bhajjis. Vatthakozhambu. Filter Kaapi. Sunsets on beaches. Smoky eyes. Dance. Music. FRIENDSHIPS that make or break the world for me. Early morning quiet. Easy conversations. Surprises. Random hugs. Long drives. Card games. The very first sip of tea or coffee in the mornings. A good movie. Songs that touch the heart. Cycling. Traditions. Slokams. Roadtrips.

Someday I want to turn these dreams into reality and write a book that I can pour down all my life’s worth into, one that I can read in my old age, look back, and reminisce about a life well lived.

Someday.... 

The Triumph! (55 Fiction series)

She sensed his eyes on her much before she saw him.

Mahi, they called him. Bullish, Arrogant, Chauvinistic.

A reputation built on savagery preceded him. 

Now, he had her targeted.

For his smirk, sneer, a condescending look, she offered in return a slash, thrust, and a beatific smile.

Her job done, Shakti continued her journey.