Do you think I am talking about cricket? No I am not.
“My girlfriend has boundary issues man – I don’t think this is going to work.” The voice came over the telephone – cell phone, if you will. It was a winter morning, and I was curled up in a blanket, a cat on my toes and a great book in hand. However, duty bound by the tenuous bonds of friendship, I was being forced to listen to the travails of one of my friends. What was the problem? Boundary issues- as I said.
What exactly, were these boundaries that she was crossing, I ventured to ask.
Now this couple live with each other – a recent decision, they had moved into a small flat, much to the consternation of their parents – but that is a different story all together. “She takes my towel man!” (Why does he call me man?)
“She insists on wearing my tee-shirts, eats the eggs I have bought without replacing them and uses my towel. She insists on using my tawa. She shares my cigarettes. Not only that she insists on coming with me when I go out and wants to be updated about everything in my life!”
All this was said with an indignant howl. I sighed, my book was beckoning to me and my cat shifted on my toes. “But you guys live together, it’s obvious that the stuff that’s around will be used by both of you,” I said – trying to get him off my back.
“Don’t you understand – she doesn’t know where to draw lines, she must understand that a man has to have his own life. I don’t like my things being used.”
Upon hearing a disinterested “hmm” from my end he felt peeved and hung up. I gladly went back to my book and a second cat nudged its way onto my knees. But before being thoroughly immersed in the pages of another person’s life, I couldn’t help but think – boundary issues seemed to be, at least in my friend’s case – a way to hide the fact that he was in fact, a mean person who had not learnt to share.
Is your girlfriend taking your cigarette out of your mouth? Is she demanding you take your shirt off and give it to her? Does she bump off whatever is on your tawa and start cooking her own food? Isn’t she cooking for both of you on that tawa? Why should she sit at home while you go gallivanting? I wanted to ask my friend these questions, it was a different reason that I wanted to avoid another hour of vacuous talk. This would eventually end with the guy’s ego getting the better of him, leaving me frustrated about why I even try to explain something logically.
We, as a society don’t like sharing – we fear it encroaches into our private spaces. Letting someone share is a way of bonding with that person and bonds are extremely fragile nowadays, especially those to do with relationships. Whatever happened to agreeing that sharing is caring? What will happen to us in a world where a boyfriend dislikes his girlfriend sharing a cigarette? It’s all too bleak I tell you – let me go back to my book.
Guest post from www.glad2bawoman.com. Glad2bawoman is an online media company with over 73,000 members. For women and about women, the articles published on the site encompass a variety of topics such as Health, Relationships, Fashion and Empowerment.