When self-doubt hits!

I skipped the blogs for the last two days.

I had no specific reason. I am not going to give any excuses or apologize for that. I can vouch for the fact that I am no big writer neither am I so brilliant that people wait to read my blogs. At the most, I am average. Sometimes I write well, sometimes I don’t. So even when I started this blogathon, I had this niggling doubt in mind, that I was not really going to write to my satisfaction. And that doubt was reaffirmed when it was pointed out that I wasn’t doing any favours to my writing by doing something and writing something every day on the lines of “I don’t know what to post”  .. “I have no idea what to write” etc. The old me would have just taken those words to heart and would have just quit. I would have thought to myself, yes they are right! I am not doing this!!

But now, I want to write. I still want to finish this blogathon. I know those two days are going to hang over my head, but I still want to do this. Pig-headedness as some might call it. But I don’t want to quit this. I don’t want to let this go like how I let go of the other things that I started so easily. And every time these days when I get that doubt, there is other quote that comes to mind – “The worst thing you write is better than the best thing you didn’t write!!” – It’s what I posted on the first blog I wrote for the blogathon. That reaffirms me. :D

So today I will share with you something I wrote a long while back. During one of those dark phases. It is a very abstract piece. It’s something that I wrote in a span of a few moments a few years ago. Tidbits that I write, save and don't find the courage to publish! :) I don't really remember what made me write this, probably must be one of those black moods. 

Here goes…

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“There is a morbid pleasure that we as humans derive in subjecting ourselves to abject misery.

That feeling of martyrdom that elevates in ourselves a feeling of superiority.

The feeling that because we are so miserable; we are in a much loftier position than the rest of the world that is happily cocooned in their contented lives.

After all what do they know of what suffering we have undergone and how it has transformed us into what we are today as opposed to what we were before this so-called misery was thrust upon us. 

Who could say how we might have ended up had we not been through so much!

All of us are broken in that sort of way. Some take a long time to recoup. For some others it’s just a matter of time. And for sometimes very rarely, it is quick and painless when they meet the right person(s). That of course depends on whether you find the right person and you recognize them to be so.

Various moments. Various right kinds of people.

Right for then, at that point of time.

Wrong for other times.

Half the time I think what happens is that you make do with what you have and forget the quest for what you want.

And therein lies the difference.”