She stood watching him go.
The irate strides. The angry gait. The frown on the face. The stiff shoulders. The clenched fists.
She was scared … about how things might turn out to be…
They had had a fight… not a big one… nor a serious one… but a fight all the same… it was their usual. But this time it seemed different somehow.
And for some reason this time around she was starting to feel livid. Livid because it was not her fault.
It was not her fault that he said something that annoyed her and she retorted back. It was not her fault that he got upset at the fact that she snapped at him. Most surprisingly because it was the first time that she was replying back angrily to him. Probably that was why he was upset.
She had always been careful around him. Keeping her tongue in check. Holding back her words. Keeping under wraps what she actually felt. All because she did not want him to feel bad. Or get hurt. Or worse than that not cause a problem for herself. Avoidance or escapism she did not know what it was!
But this time around she had not been able to hold back her emotions as effectively as she usually did.
They were supposed to go out on a date the next day. An entire day all for themselves. She had planned so many things for them. She had even planned a couple of surprises. All down the drain now.
She looked at his retreating back wondering if she should call him back. She did. He never even acknowledged the cry. With each time the cry grew more plaintive in nature. Tears flowed down her eyes freely. She sobbed and asked him to stop. Suddenly she was scared. Scared because of the insecurities haunting her. What would happen if he ended it? What would happen if he did not even bother about her?
She walked back to her room dejectedly. Let herself into her room and threw herself on to the bed. Wept her heart out. Sobbed like a baby.
She tried calling him. He did not pick up. She messaged him. He did not respond. She still did not give up. She kept trying. He switched off his phone.
She felt insulted. Offended. Scared. Angry. Snubbed. She felt the rage coursing through her. She was fuming. But her mind was calm and logical. She had had enough of this.
An ice-cold chillness swept through her. It was incredible the way emotions took hold of her. She was feeling sad, happy, relieved, scared, angry, calm all at once.
The chillness was delicious.
She read herself to sleep.
Sometime during the night, her phone beeped. A message came from him.
Nothing but a ‘Goodnight’.
She could feel that delicious chillness spreading through her again. She went back to sleep.
Early in the morning at around 6:00 she got a call from him. She was sleepy when the phone rang. Wide awake when she saw who it was calling. She picked it up and he asked her; “Are we not going on our date? Is it not time you were ready?”
She was stunned. Taken aback by surprise.
What went through this guy’s mind? Did not he remember the previous night’s events’? Had he forgotten them so soon? Did he not want to talk about it?
She realized that she had never understood him. His mind’s workings.
She told him very curtly – “I have not slept a wink last night. I want to sleep.”
He simply said “OK”.
She went back to sleep.
A peaceful undisturbed deep sleep.
No dreams. No nightmares.
She had sobbed like a baby half the night through. Now she slept like one.